Pregnancy Journal

October 4, 2005	Because I had a feeling that I was pregnant the last few days, I decided to take a home pregnancy test this morning. Since I took a test on a Tuesday when I conceived Nicolas, I figured this would be a good day. Very happily it was positive!! Nicolas is a big brother! So many of the same feelings I had when I learned about Nicolas came flooding back. It is so amazing to be pregnant again and while it's familiar it is somewhat different this time. I don't know why, maybe because I already went through and know what to expect, it just feels different... more confident.
October 7, 2005 4 weeks	I had my first doctor's visit today confirming the pregnancy. So far so good. I had some blood work, they are checking my progesterone to be sure it's where it should be. I have to have a 3 hour glucose test to try and catch GD early (if I happen to have that again) and an early sonogram to see that everything is how it should be (because of the miscarriage in March, they treat me as high risk and want to be sure this baby is ok). I just have to wait for Tuesday (Monday of COURSE is a holiday!) to see what the blood test shows and go from there. Then my next appt is in a month if I don't have to go back for more blood work. I'm praying for this tiny little blessing to grow, grow grow!
October 9, 2005	So far a lot of the early symptoms are at bay. However, that only makes me worry that something isn't right. I keep getting positive tests that are darker each time so I will take that as a good sign. I couldn't make it through the weekend without a little positive proof to keep me going :)
October 10, 2005	Called to get my test results and my beta was 190 which I am told is typical for this time in the pregnancy. I go back on the 14th for another to see how much the numbers have changed.
October 12, 2005	Symptoms so far: insomnia sometimes, hungry but don't know what to eat or aversions, sore breasts, tired!
October 14, 2005	Had a repeat beta done today and the number should be between 1500 & 1600. The progesterone was 36 and the doctor was very happy with that. He said I shouldn't have any problems with it. I will have the results on Monday and if the number is where it should be I will have a sonogram the following week to see the heartbeat. I look forward to seeing my little baby's heart beating like crazy :)
October 17, 2005	Got my beta results this morning and they were well over 4000!!!!!! I was SO excited because I only needed to be around 1500-1600!!! How great that the number was so high. So, I go for a sonogram in one week! Can wait to see this little bean :)
October 20, 2005	HUGE aversion to chicken noodle soup!!!! I fed some to Nicolas today and I didn't think I could handle it. It smelled like something died. I truly thought he wouldn't be able to eat it because it smelled so bad. After having Bob check it with his nose, it turned out it was me!! Yikes! That was reallllly bad! Funny that chicken is an issue again with this pregnancy, only a different form.
October 20, 2005	Well, I started having some weird stabbing pains intermittently today. They started getting more painful so I called my doctor fearing an ectopic. He sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound and praise God that it wasn't. However, I found out there are twins! There were two separate gestational sacs, one had a fetal pole with a strong heart beating 124 bpm measuring between 5wks 3ds - 5wks 5ds. The other one, however, was smaller and didn't have a detectable heartbeat. Which means it died recently or it's just not as big as it's brother or sister. I am hoping and praying that it's just too soon to see that little one's heart. Next Friday I will have another ultrasound which should show one way or the other if this baby is alive. Now, all I can do is wait! Nothing came of those strange pains, not even cysts. So, I guess I will just try to ignore them.
October 23, 2005	Mornings have been tough, just tired and feeling blah and needing to eat. Well, nausea has been setting in in the morning which is so hard because big brother Nicolas is needy in the morning. I'm ok with it, though, it means my baby(s) are doing ok.
October 25, 2005	Spoke to another doctor today to see if maybe he will let me get an ultrasound sooner, but he made my prognosis seem more grim. He said I could've had a twin pregnancy where the baby died or I could be bleeding a little and it showed up that way on the sonogram. Well, I feel as though he's just playing things down so he doesn't get my hopes up. It was obviously a sac with a fetal pole in it, just smaller than the other one. I guess I will see on Friday. Thank God for the very nice ultrasound tech that offered to do the ultrasound for free!
October 26, 2005	After doing some research, apparently situations like mine are becoming more commonly known. It is called Vanishing Twin Syndrome. Since more and more women are getting internal ultrasounds early on in the pregnancy these days, it seems as though twins are more common and one of them dying early on and reabsorbing into the mother's system is becoming well known. So, it's very possible I could be heading down that road. I guess I will see in a few days. I pray a different path is layed down before me!
October 28, 2005	The sonogram results showed that one of the twins had died. There are two gestational sacs still, but the one is half the size of the healthy baby's and the baby is no longer there. It has absorbed back into my system and by the time my next sonogram around November 10th, there should be no trace of it. The healthy baby is looking good, it is double the size it was a week ago and you can see the heart beating strong! While emotionally it's confusing, I mean I lost one baby, but I still have another to celebrate. I feel bad being happy about the one we still have because I should be mourning the one I lost, but then I feel bad that I feel bad being happy at the same time! Either way, God has His plan and I trust Him completely. He has blessed greatly with this new little one on the way and I look forward to getting to know him/her along the way!
November 4, 2005 8 weeks	Had my second prenatal appointment today. Nothing to report. I sat there and the doctor asked if I had any questions. Kind of a silly waste of time :)
November 10, 2005	We had our sonogram today to see how the reabsorbing of the second baby was progressing, but it is still almost half the size of the healthy baby. The sonogram technician said it could take a while. And of course we got a good look at our strong little baby and it is so cute already. It looks like a little sour patch kid! haha! He/she can already do tricks by standing on it's head. You can see the arm and leg buds and the little belly. After seeing this sonogram, I don't know, it's almost like it's hard for me to believe I am pregnant. I mean the tiredness and the nausea should be clues enough, but I don't know... something is just weird! It's not a bad thing, but it's like a hard-to-believe kind of feeling I guess. I can't really think of another way to describe it. It's like I was looking at the screen at this tiny moving baby and it was like "that's mine" "that's mine?" "that's mine!". I just did this a year and a half ago and it's weird to be doing it all over again. It was really good to see that it was healthy. The heart rate was 165bpm which is great! So, all is well :)
November 18, 2005	The nausea is pretty much over, whew! If I don't get enough sleep at night I am still tired, but it's getting a little easier to get through the day if I don't do too much.
November 30, 2005	Woah belly! This afternoon, not first thing in the morning, but this afternoon suddenly I looked very pregnant. Usually a person wakes up and notices how pregnant they look, but not me, halfway through the day, I am noticeably pregnant! Weird! :)
December 2, 2005 12 weeks	Had my 12 week appt today. All is good so far, got to hear the heart beat again and it's thumping along! It stinks that my diabetes is back and I will have my 3 hour glucose test tomorrow to confirm it. The upside is I won't gain much weight throughout the rest of pregnancy. And so far I've only gained 5, so I am doing much better than the first pregnancy weight-wise already.
December 4, 2005	Early fetal movement! I felt this little one move around. I wonder if he/she will be as active as Nicolas...
December 12, 2005	I finally got my glucose tolerance test results and I passed!!! I was completely shocked, I truly expected to have failed. So, I need to watch what I eat and not eat the bad candy (although I REALLLLLLLLY want to!) and sugary stuff and I could be ok. Hopefully it won't get worse, so I will take it day by day. I do feel more relaxed about eating now which is nice. So, I feel like I can enjoy my Christmas dinner :)
December 16, 2005	Called my doctor today because I had some bleeding. It was only spotting and it only happened once, but she wanted to see me. She couldn't find the cause of it so I have to have a sonogram on Monday. Nothing like waiting out the whole weekend to determine if things are ok! So hard to wait. I heard my little one's heart beat and she was happy with it, so she isn't too concerned, but she wants to just make sure. So, here I wait...
December 19, 2005	Had my sonogram today and everything is fine with the baby! This one is as active as Nicolas one, even the sonogram tech remembered Nicolas in the womb and commented on how this one is just as active :) Hmm, will I have another over active little one coming my way?!
December 20, 2005	The bleeding continues and just makes me worry. It's a little worse, but nothing to alarm the doctors with. Hopefully it will stop for good soon!
December 22, 2005	Finally it has stopped! My next prenatal appt is the 30th, so I look forward to hearing my little one's heart beat again :)
December 27, 2005	The bleeding came back again last night, the worst it's been! JUST when we thought we were out of the woods. However, it seems to have stopped so I think I overdid it with the laundry. It's so hard to feel so fragile when you have a 15 month old to chase after all day.
December 30, 2005 16 weeks	Well, the bleeding has stopped and I have stopped doing stuff that causes it, so I guess I figured it out correctly. Had my 16 week prenatal appt today and heard the strong little heart beat. It was easy to find, she found it right away! I got a referral to the diabetic clinic because my glucose levels continue to rise. So, I will be on the strict diet soon. It's very hard this time around because I crave sweets so much! I crave nice big, good meals and instead I dread the thought of food. I have another 5.5 months! Gotta stay strong for this little one, though so I will do what I have to of course! While diabetes is a terrible thing to live with, I only have it temporarily and it's a struggle. Granted when you're pregnant you have insane cravings and a huge appetite, so it makes it that much more difficult. I did lose a pound from last month, so that made me happy. I didn't keep track of my weight with my first pregnancy. I was gaining fast and I didn't care as long as the doctor didn't, so I just ate and ate. I am curious, though, what I weighed last time at this point in comparison to now. Course I did start at a higher weight than last time, but with this new diet I am sure I won't be gaining much more.
January 1, 2006	And it's back again... just praying it doesn't get worse
January 5, 2006	I took a look at Nicolas' pregnancy journal last night and it's funny how different things are. I started showing at 16 weeks with him and at 11.5 weeks I was showing with this baby. I am 16 weeks now and showing a LOT! Last night we bought a fetal heart monitor. Because of all the bleeding and worry, this will help me be a little more relaxed :) This little one's heart rate is 146 bpm which is kind of interesting. Supposedly in most cases if it is above 150 it's a girl and below is a boy. Well, at first the heart rate was 163, but it seems that every day that I listen it's around 146. Now, I never knew Nicolas' heart rate so I can't determine if Nicolas was in that area to compare this one. I guess we can only wait to see...
January 6, 2006	Today I went to the dietician to get a meal plan for the inevitable gestational diabetes. Thinking that since I've only gained 4lbs so far, I thought I would be allowed more food because I have so much more allowable weight gain. WRONG! I get less! LESS!! Sheesh! But it makes sense, the more weight you have, the more your body needs to sustain you, so I guess all is ok. My levels are doing really well, better than well actually, so as the diabetes worsens during the rest of the pregnancy, I will already be handling this strict diet and will probably be able to control my levels even better. Need to call the OB, though, the bleeding is now coming with pressure. So, I want to be sure I don't have a reason to worry there.
January 7, 2006 17 weeks	This little one is tap dancing now. I can feel cute little pokes and jabs in my lower belly. I'd forgotten how gentle it can feel in the beginning since Nicolas' movements became rather violent! ;) So cute, but so active already. I'm in for another over active child :)
January 16, 2006 18 weeks	Called my OB today because my bleeding is coming with some pain and pressure. So, he wanted to see me. He didn't see any bleeding so he sent me for a sonogram that I had to wait for for 3 hours! They were squeezing me along with a number of others in today on top of an overflow of regular appointments. It was great to see the little one moving all around. It's going to be another tall skinny one, the legs go on forever! And we were hoping to find out whether it was a boy or girl and the sono tech said he was sure it was a girl at first, but then later saw what didn't look like a penis or the cord, so it's still a 50/50 chance! We were so excited to possibly find out and we couldn't. Oh well, this little one is still a mystery, but hopefully the next one we will see what we need to see :)
January 20, 2006 19 weeks	Saw the first kick today! What a strong little one this is. Already way ahead of where Nicolas was at this time. I am still so amazed at that because I truly thought Nicolas could've won an award if kicks could be measured in strength! Glad to know he/she is there and active :)
January 27, 2006 20 weeks	Had my 20 week prenatal appt today and I felt a lot more reassured about the bleeding. I had a morning appt which usually means the doctor isn't behind and not trying to get through all the very impatient patients waiting for him. Although, I did wait almost 30 minutes in the exam room. He told me someone came in in labor which I suspected. He was very apologetic, but I understand, that was me 16 months ago! So, anyway, he told me that it happens that throughout the first half of the pregnancy and woman will bleed. It will either result in a loss or it's just something that happens to them. I am far enough along to see that there aren't any complications with the baby and he assured me there isn't something seriously wrong brewing inside me as well. I felt better about it and he said I will probably see it taper off very soon. We also know that the baby will be born June 12, 2006. It is SO weird to know that already. I asked him when they scheduled the c-section. I figured my GD would go into consideration and the fact that Nicolas came early, but he said no they schedule them according to my due date. The earliest would be 9 days before and they offer 3 dates to choose from. The 8th falls on a Thursday which would be great because I would be in the hospital through the weekend, but we chose the 12th because I didn't want it to be too early for the little one. Exciting to know, but still weird, I feel like I shouldn't be choosing my baby's birth date. But hey, he/she could make a decision of it's own, too :) I've still only gained 5lbs so far, sooooo much better than with my first pregnancy. The GD diet certainly helps, but I wasn't gaining much to begin with even when I was eating all kinds of junk. Even with me resting, keeping up with Nicolas is still keeping my weight down which I am glad about. We'll see how it goes!
February 13, 2006 22 weeks	Things just keep getting more weird. I went to the doctor today because for about a week I had a stretching, tearing feeling inside. Then on Friday I developed a very sore area on my skin near my belly button. Each day it got worse, so they told me to come in today. He said it could be a hernia, it could be bruising, it could be a broken blood vessel. So, on Wed I will be having a sonogram to see if anything is visible there. It's really painful tonight, especially after he poked at me pretty hard. I only have 18 weeks left, I am hoping for some calm time before the baby is born!
February 15, 2006	It's a BOY!! Nicolas has a little brother!! I was 90% sure this time it was going to be a girl because the pregnancy has been so different. I'm excited just the same. Can't wait to see him!! He's doing great, weighs 1lb 3oz, kicks like crazy. The sonogram couldn't pick up whatever it is that is causing my pain, it just can't be seen that way, so I will take it easy and hope it goes away. Now... what to name him!
February 19, 2006	Well, it appears the weird pain is diminishing! I'm glad for that. I hope it never comes back whatever it was. Maybe the remainder of this pregnancy can not be so weird!
February 20, 2006	We have a name! Logan Arthur. Logan because we both actually like it and Arthur is daddy's dad's name. So there we have it. We love Logan and it works great :)
February 22, 2006	Really getting worried about glucose levels. They are on the rise and I feel that insulin is inevitable! SOOOOOOO worried about this!
February 28, 2006	Ok, so there is nothing to get too worried about after all. Emotional stress is causing my levels to rise. Well, how do you keep pregnancy hormone emotions under control?! It didn't seem to bother me with Nicolas, but Logan is not having it I guess! It's so different this time. I see to tolerate higher carb foods, still having ice cream at night WOO HOO! but I have to stay verrrry verrry calm. Yeah, tell that to my 18 month old!
March 7, 2006 25 weeks	Boy Logan is so active. His kicks are getting stronger and I seem to feel them all over. I do think he has less fluid than Nicolas had to swim in. Just the feeling of the kicks and where I feel them just makes me think that for some reason. While Nicolas had swift hard kicks, too at the end, they weren't this strong so early on.
March 21, 2006 27 weeks	Made a trip to L&D this morning after calling my OB. He wanted to make sure the dull, aching pains I was having wasn't early labor pains. Praise God they weren't. I am not dilated and not contracting, I pulled some muscles that make it tough to walk or get up from a sitting position at times. Logan looked great on the sonogram, he was rolling and tumbling and arching his back and pushing his little head back. He's head down and sometimes transverse, especially at night. All night last night he was rolling around. MY OB thought it was funny how much he was moving. I guess he's trying to make some more room for himself. But, for now he's staying put and I'm soooo glad! It's funny, I went into the hospital for monitoring with Nicolas at the same time during my pregnancy with him. Both times not serious :)
March 24, 2006 28 weeks	28 week prenatal appt today went well. I am measuring a little big for this point, but second + pregnancies tend to be that way anyway because the area is pretty stretched out. I've gained 12lbs total so far which is pretty good if I compare it to how much I gained with Nicolas! I go back every 2 weeks now. That's when it starts to feel really close to the end :)
March 26, 2006	Arms, legs, elbows, knees... all over the place. This little boy is just rolling around in there like there's no tomorrow. You can see his elbows and hands poking all around. I watched a video of Nicolas' 2 day outside the womb and was just so tiny. I couldn't remember what that was like until I watched it and Logan is going to be just as tiny. I can't wait to see what he looks like. All I can picture is Nicolas of course and I wonder if he will look like his big brother. Even with Logan not even born yet, it makes me want to keep having more haha!
April 5, 2006 29 weeks	Sleeping has been tough as of late. Logan just loves to kick and move and try to get comfortable in there. He's been transverse a lot lately, especially at night. He's very picky about his surroundings, doesn't like it when my bladder starts to fill up. He pounds on it! Sheesh! This kid is very particular already!
April 21, 2006 32 weeks	My 32 week appt went fine today. I am measuring a little big according to the doctor, so when I start my sonograms I will get to find out if that means anything. I've gained 15lbs so far (I was hoping it wouldn't get that high!) and I start my bi-weekly appts which is kind of exciting because it means were getting close! Logan is still moving tons and likes to be transverse, but when he goes head down OUCH! The pressure on my pelvis is incredible. So different than Nicolas!
May 5, 2006 34 weeks	Well, a quick appt and now I am on weekly visits! That happened fast! Next Thursday starts my bio-physical profiles weekly (NST and a sonogram) along with an appt the same day. Boy we're really getting down to the wire now. So exciting, 5 more weeks until we meet Logan. And scary, too :)
May 11, 2006 35 weeks	The sonogram went fine, he is estimated to weigh 6lbs at this point. At this point I am two days ahead of where I was when biophysical profiles started with Nicolas and he was 5lbs 4oz. So, we will see where we end up weight-wise with Logan. The appt was uneventful. Had some bleeding yesterday and this morning and the doctor isn't worried. The NST showed some contractions even with Logan moving CONSTANTLY. I felt one. So, will be back in a week for more :)
May 18, 2006 36 weeks	Logan is estimated to weigh 6lbs 3oz now, so a small gain which is fine :) A quick appt and NST after the sonogram. My doctor would normally check for dilation, but he gave me another week since I will be having a c-section.
May 20, 2006	Today was brutal as far as pressure and pain goes. He was moving SO much and putting so much pressure on my pelvis. I had quite a few contractions today that were really tight and pinching. I kinda wish the doctor did check me, I am curious if any of this pressure is doing anything. Guess I will see next week.
May 25, 2006 37 weeks	37 week appt was pretty uneventful. He's estimated to be about 7lbs, only 2oz less than where Nicolas was at this point. The doctor said "nah" rather unconvincingly when I asked if I was dilated. So, I guess I will see what happens next week!
June 1, 2006 38 weeks	Logan is now estimated to be 7lbs 8oz, 6 oz less than Nicolas at this point. I was checked again and no dilation. Lots of painful pressure, I might as well be in labor in the evenings when Logan wakes up, it's awful!
June 8, 2006 39 weeks	Logan is now estimated to be 7lbs 12oz, 8 oz less than Nicolas at this point. This was my last prenatal visit! Next week Logan will be here :)
June 12, 2006 C-day!	I woke up at 3:40am and timed my contractions - 8 minutes apart. Maybe today would've been labor day anyway! All night last night I had contractions that hurt. They actually started yesterday and was wondering if I would make it to this morning. I was so worried my water would break. Not that it would be a bad thing with my c-section scheduled early in the morning, I just didn't want to deal with it! But I made it. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30am with Nicolas is tow. He woke up fine and was doing great. I got up to maternity and was prepped. At 7:55am they wheeled me all of 10 feet to the OR and I awaited my spinal, which I was super nervous about. The room was cold and I started shaking, course the nervousness didn't help. I was worried about shaking during the spinal, but it was a breeze. Nothing about it hurt, just some slight pressure and then very heavy numb legs. They put blood circulators on my legs which is now mandatory of any surgery. Air would inflate them putting pressure on my legs. I could feel them even through the surgery which scared me because I thought I would feel them operating. It was very nerve wracking being so aware of the entire process this time. The room was very small and bright whereas last time it seemed so dim and I didn't even look around to notice the size. I wanted Bob to keep talking to me so I wouldn't pay so much attention to what they were doing. It seemed like forever before Logan was born. But he came out at 8:29am and I heard his cry and I just couldn't help but cry. It was SO overwhelming. Then of course, I couldn't breathe while I was crying so I had to force myself to stop. The pressure on me made it impossible to cry and not pass out! haha! Logan actually started peeing on my doctor! I've heard about things like that, but didn't think my baby would do it. Then he showed Logan to me and it was SO hard to believe he was mine! Nicolas, MY baby, was out in the waiting room, but who was this tiny little person? His cry was so little and he cried a lot more than Nicolas did. Nicolas whimpered a few times and that was it. I later found out Bob video taped Logan being born and I am so glad he did. I never wanted to see myself operated on, but this was just the part where Logan appeared and it was amazing! They eventually whisked him away to the nursery and Bob followed. I was left to endure the "aftermath" of the surgery which was horrible. I had pain in my chest and under my arms and burning in my breasts. It was awful. I kept asking if it was normal and they said yes. Sheesh, what is normal about that?! I just wanted it to be over! The anesthesiologist asked me a few times if I wanted something to make me sleepy and I said no. I wanted so badly to be awake this time. He said it would only last as long as it took them to sew me back up, but last time I was super sleepy even afterward. Course, I did endure 15 hours of labor, 4.5 of them was pushing. I just didn't want to risk it. Finally I was back to one piece and brought back to my room. I was anxious to see Logan and wide awake and feeling ok. The itching from the morphine did start right away and then I started to get dizzy. They brought Logan in the warmer and I had to wait to hold him, but I found out he weighed 8lbs 1oz and measured 22". He weighed the same as Nicolas and was just an inch shorter! I continued to get more and more dizzy to where I couldn't keep my eyes open. If I tried to move I would get very nauseous. I decided around 3:30pm to try to nurse Logan and got so nauseous I almost threw up. They took him to the nursery to give him water and brought him back around 5:30pm to try again. He did well. I couldn't believe that was the first time I was holding my baby when he was born at 8:29am! The spinal seemed to be the reason for the dizziness, but I was glad it had faded. I was in quite a bit of pain, but I was only allowed morphine until 24 hours had passed. And since I didn't want the itching, I refused pain relief. I was hooked up to IV, had blood circulators on my legs and had a catheter to keep me in bed, so movement was minimal anyway. Glad to have this day behind me and I hope my recovery will be quick and easy this time around! Logan is beautiful and looks a lot like his big brother did. Nicolas was a little weary at first, not interested in giving him kisses or anything, but he would smile and point at him. I hope that he adjusts well and enjoys getting to know his little brother.